I can’t stand Jude Bellingham – but what I hate even more is the way fans keep bloody fawning over him.

The bloke is an insufferable b***end and as smug as a bug in a rug, but remains a saint in the eyes of the gushing, idiotic masses because he’s scored a few tap-ins for Real Madrid.

He produced yet another stinker against a decent team on Tuesday, with his sole contribution coming in the form of some Chinese whispers with Harry Kane in a d**k-headed attempt to put him off before his penalty.

It was the act of a moustache-twirling villain, yet social media was awash with pathetic cognitively dissonant posts like: ‘Oh, what a fierce competitor’ and ‘He’s just a born winner’. No he’s not, he’s a narcissistic, weaselly little s**t.

Between his incessant mid-game pointing, his punchable goal celebration and his ‘look at me’ ego-stroking pre-match stroll around the pitch, Bellingham’s closing the gap on James Corden as England’s most unbearable export.

When are people going to start seeing it?

Is Jude Bellingham an arse? Let us know what you think in the comment section below.

I feel Terry-bly sorry for him

Having sympathy for John ‘What do you mean I’m flying economy?’ Terry goes against all my natural instincts.

It feels dirty and wrong, like Paul Scholes sucking his daughter’s toes. But just like that semi-incestuous weirdo, I’m saying to hell with societal norms and sticking up for Chelsea’s Captain, Leader, B***end because sometimes (just sometimes), he gets it in the neck when he doesn’t deserve it.

While on Simon Jordan’s podcast, Terry was asked if he considers himself a Champions League winner given he missed the final in 2012 due to suspension and I’m sorry but what an absurd and disrespectful question.

It just doesn’t make any sense. Is Erling Haaland not a real FA Cup winner because he missed Man City’s fifth round clash with Bristol City last season? Or better yet, are Leicester’s 2015/16 squad not proper Premier League champions given that Eden Hazard won them the title while they necking pints at Jamie Vardy’s house?

I know hating JT is an immovable tenet of English football culture, like the use of the term ‘bald fraud’ and thinking Jude Bellingham is EVERYTHING [see above for irrational outrage], but this never-ending Terryphobia gets a bit much sometimes. Have a day off, lads.

No, you absolutely can write scripts like this

Having already suffered through one final weekend of the season, before I endure another I want the phrase “you can’t write scripts like this” banned from stadium gantries.

This overused, rusty old nail of a cliché is about as irritating and cringeworthy as an evening at the pub with Rio Ferdinand (yes, bruv – these pork scratchings are bangin’).

People have written scripts about a fifth-dimensional civilisation guiding a team of astronauts into harnessing gravity so humanity can evacuate Earth. I reckon one where Leeds leapfrog Ipswich with a last-minute winner ranks fairly low on the unbelievability scale.